The Family Fun » Humor

Funny Questions to Ask 27

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:40:40 +0000

Can you blow a balloon up under water?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds ?
Why Is eleven spelt starting with ‘ E ‘ ?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Funny Questions to Ask 26

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:38:39 +0000

• What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
• Why are there never any artist’s materials in a drawing room?
• Why are they called ’stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
• Why aren’t there bulletproof pants?
• Do cows drink milk?
• If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
• Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
• If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help him?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• Don’t you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their “practice” ?
• Do they have the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?
• If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
• Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
• Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
• What’s the opposite of opposite?
• If Practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, then why practice?
• Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
• If you died with braces on would they take them off?

Funny Questions to Ask 25

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:37:15 +0000

• Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
• Why is it that when a person tells you there’s over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there’s wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
• How does Santa get into a house that doesn’t have a chimney?
• If you’re in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn’t usually wear any pants?
• What should one call a male ladybird?
• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
• If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
• If you take a shower, where do you put it?
• Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?

Funny Questions to Ask 24

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:35:19 +0000

• If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
• If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
• If you take a shower, where do you put it?
• Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?
• What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
• Why are there never any artist’s materials in a drawing room?
• Why are they called ’stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
• Why aren’t there bulletproof pants?
• How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
• Did they have antiques in the olden days?
• Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
• Can blind people see their dreams?
• If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

Funny Questions to Ask 23

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:33:59 +0000

• How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?
• Why is “number” abbreviated as “no”? When there is no “o” in number?
• If you went back in time and killed your mother would you disappear the moment you killed her?
• If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
• Can you cry under water?
• When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
• If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
• Do ducks sneeze?
• If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?
• What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?
How does Santa get into a house that doesn’t have a chimney?
• If you’re in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn’t usually wear any pants?
• What should one call a male ladybird?
• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Funny Questions to Ask 22

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:33:05 +0000

• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
• Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
• Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
• Did they have antiques in the olden days?
• Can blind people see their dreams?
• Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?
• If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
• Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
• How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
• If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
• Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
• If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it’s 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
• If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Funny Questions to Ask 21

Administrator — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:32:18 +0000

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
• Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?
• What if you’re in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• If anything’s possible, then is it possible that nothing’s possible?
• What does OK actually mean?
• How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
• If someone can’t see, they’re blind and if someone cant hear, they’re deaf, so what do you call people who can’t smell?
• Can you blow a balloon up under water?
• How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
• Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
• If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
• If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
• Can people who cannot speak burp?
• Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

Professor Joke

Administrator — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:11:18 +0000

1. prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

2. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.

3. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

4. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

5. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

6. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

8. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

9. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

10. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

11. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

12. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

13. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

14. Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.

Computer Jokes

Administrator — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:09:55 +0000

1. If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over!

2. To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

3. If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”.

4. Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.

5. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

6. To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

7. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

8. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

9. When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

10. “Help” with the chores is just a click away.

11. You’d use your diskette to recover from a crash.

12. We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

13. To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

14. Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

15. To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

16. Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.

17. If you don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

Funny Facts

Administrator — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:08:33 +0000

. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

. It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!

. Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

A: Magnets have a positive side!

. It’s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

. A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST. A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE… A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!