How To Deal With Cops

1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to…….

5. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. And ask him where he bought his cool hat.

6. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

7. When he says no, cry.

8. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

9. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don’t go that way.

10. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say “Oops! That’s the wrong name.”

11. Clean your ear with the pen.

12. If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

13. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar…..

14. When he’s telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

15. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?

16. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm….only 5 of you here tonight…….

17. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.

18. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!

19. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

20. Try to sell him your car.

21. Ask if you can buy his car.

22. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.

23. Play with the siren.

24. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.

25. If you don’t know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. Oops…I meant OVER for dinner

26. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.

27. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.

28. If you are female, say I don’t do that on the first date.

29. Tell him you like men in uniform.

30. If nothing goes right. Start crying.

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