1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?” 2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4. If he... (Continue reading)
Newtons 1st Law of Love: LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED, IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER. Newtons 2nd Law of Love: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her... (Continue reading)
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes. Then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. When... (Continue reading)
After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690″ and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make... (Continue reading)
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously... (Continue reading)
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll... (Continue reading)
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” 3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep... (Continue reading)
Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the Indian police contest for the best police force award . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission. He... (Continue reading)
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.” The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?” She... (Continue reading)
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said,... (Continue reading)