The Quality of Love

By Mark Terzano

“The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful. Commit yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally to the most important people in your life.” -Brian Tracy

I have observed that love, like gold, has gradients of quality. I met and married my wife Kim nearly twenty years ago. For our wedding, I bought Kim a gold wedding ring. Since we paid for our own wedding, the purchase of her ring left us with just enough money to choose a sterling silver ring for myself.

Some time ago, I misplaced the sterling silver ring. As I dwelled upon the loss and significance of that ring, the thought entered my mind that my love and commitment to Kim had actually deepened over the years since our wedding. Sterling silver was an appropriate symbol for the early years of our marriage; for although I loved my wife, my commitment to her in the early years was more from a sense of duty and obligation than from unselfish delight.

However, I soon came to the conclusion that the quality of my love for my wife was no longer adequately represented by a sterling silver ring. Perhaps it was the incredible experience of raising our first son Nate together; or, perhaps it was my, albeit delayed, recognition that my wife loves me as I am – ‘warts’ and all as she says. Whatever the reasons, my love for Kim had indeed attained a refined quality and it seemed appropriate to me that a symbol of our love and commitment, a wedding ring, should accurately reflect this maturing love.

I therefore replaced the sterling silver ring with 10K gold. My first gold wedding ring represented a love that was in fact golden, yet, similar to the inferior characteristics of 10K gold, was not of unmitigated quality.

Several more anniversaries have since come and gone. Somehow I have managed to misplace the 10K gold ring. This second loss provided another opportunity for reflection. I decided as a result of years of experiencing hard times, lean times and good times with Kim, to replace the second lost ring with the higher quality 14K gold ring that I’m currently wearing.
The 14K gold ring is unmistakably of a higher quality and substantial than the first two. It is an appropriate symbol of a love that has been tested by my bouts of depression, the adoption of our youngest son after the loss of his birth parents, and the trials associated with the premature loss of Kim’s mother and sister.

As mentioned, my wife and I will soon celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. I expect that in the not to distant future, I will somehow manage to misplace the 14K gold ring. If our resources permit, it will be replaced with an 18K gold ring.

I have come to understand that similar to gold, the quality and intrinsic value of love varies. As Kim and I continue to grow old together, my propensity to misplace things will likely intensify. Perhaps, sometime around our fiftieth anniversary, should we be so blessed as to experience this milestone, I will select a 24K pure gold wedding ring. A symbol of any lesser quality will certainly not suffice.

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